A lot has changed in the last few years. I became a born again Christian and I wanted to share my story. To be born again, it was something that used to repulse me. For me to become one is a testament to the fact that it is not my own doing. It is truly God.
I grew up Greek Orthodox. I became Catholic as a young adult. I’ve always been religious and always wanted to know God better. Both of those religions focused on having a good moral compass, but I was dealing with a lot of sin. I struggled with wanting to stay pure but also wanting a boyfriend. I felt shame because I kept falling into sin.
I had some very traumatic sexual experiences which led to a suicide attempt when I was 18. After that, I really poured myself into my Catholic faith. I wanted to be good and pure but I felt so dirty.
When I was in my 20’s, I was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease. In an attempt to heal, I started yoga and went into the New Age belief. I was a Catholic youth minister but I was into the New Age at the same time as I was seeking out healing. Then, I got involved with a guy and I poured myself into the relationship. I was shattered when we broke up after a year. I got pushed back into the New Age.
I was so depressed and I was thinking that I could not even successfully kill myself. I was harboring these thoughts for many years. At the same time, I had an addiction to pornography. I was so ashamed.
Eventually, I decided to design my own life. I decided to be a country singer and had some success. When I moved to Nashville, I started again to rely on external things to drive me. It kept dragging me down.
My friend invited me to her Biblical Church and I kept going. I got so involved. I have always been searching for God and I found him there. People were so in love with God in this church. They have joy, peace and security so I went after it.
One service, the pastor said that there is a woman here who has had the spirit of suicide all her life. After that happened, I never had a suicidal thought in my life. He really freed me from the bondage. I realized that I had been too proud and arrogant to know the truth all this time. Finally God was merciful and patient with me and I understood the gospel for the first time.